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Confessions of a Low Life Joke Stealer

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By Rick Pendergraft The GDP report comes out before the opening bell on Wednesday. Analysts expect that the economy grew at an annual rate of 3.1 percent in the three-month period. This would be down slightly from the 3.8-percent growth rate we saw in the second quarter. I would not be surprised if it was worse than the expectations.
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Confessions of a Low Life Joke Stealer

Friday, 22 August 2008

Dr. Russell McDougal
The best part of being an IDE editor is receiving reader feedback. I’m always wondering if the envelope has been pushed a little too far via a particular article. Apparently, I wasn’t cautious enough.
The following response is from IDE reader Jacque Strapp… “Subject: Only Low Lifes Steal or Take Credit of Others Work. Are you trying to take credit for coining the phrase ‘electile dysfunction’? If so you are a liar and trash. Months ago I received a cartoon with that as the punch line. I will wait a week to see if you can be man enough to publicly come forward and state you stole that term and are not the original author. After that I will begin my internet crusade to expose you.”

(‘Electile dysfunction’ is the state of not being able to get excited enough to vote for any of the pre-chosen candidates.)

Dear Mr. (Jacque) Rash,

Thank you for bringing this horrific issue to my attention. You have nailed me to the wall! I confess. Someone else originated this term. It came to me through my wife who heard it from her Mother in the form of a verbal joke. How about that for a new twist on all the Mother-in-Law chuckles? I’ve regretted not doing a background check on her for 38 years and running.

Both Mother and daughter have been properly chastised (they are in the stockade for a spell). Please forgive all of us if you will. I would never want to be listed amongst other common thieves like Hope, Carson or Leno.

IDE has a crack team of lawyers. When I say “crack”, I’m referring to their skill level, not the street stuff. They are now dedicating the vast majority of their time making sure international patent laws have not been abridged with my family misdeeds. This is their most challenging task to date so you’ll want to be patient. The wheels of justice can’t afford the oil to keep them running smoothly these days. Have you read my “Fab Five Commodities series? Never mind, that’s a story for another day.

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Dear RH, I’m going to start this off by saying that if everyone could afford to buy a home and make those monthly mortgage payments, then they deserve that house.
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Thanks also for giving me a full seven days to clear this issue up. You are a true gentleman. Hopefully, you’re also a student of the Bible because I took your seven days to mean seven weeks (and counting). My hectic schedule has been rearranged. Hopefully, we (me, the lawyers and IDE’s corporate officers) will meet your doomsday timeline.

We definitely do not want to see your “internet crusade” unfold! One never knows exactly who has Al Gore like internet connections. A lot of people depend on the IDE bread winners. You do know Florida is in a depression, don’t you? Some of these people have children (I’m begging but holding on to a glimmer of dignity here).

You, Sir Itch, obviously attended an Ivy League law school. You are one keen American and the planet wouldn’t be the same without you. Still, I cannot tell from your dastardly threats whether or not you will still expose me even after a heartfelt confession and plea for mercy. Did they offer business writing at Cornell?

Are you, by chance, using multiple testosterone patches? Please read the directions in the package.

Unplugged and Remorseful,

Rusty

P.S. Unfortunately, I’m not making this stuff up. I only wish one of my fellow editors was playing a joke on me here. Will the originator of the electile dysfunction term please stand up?

P.P.S. To let me know what you thought of today's article, send an e-mail to: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

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